When I'm not watching over Xan or hunting or even working for the AR, I tend to curl up beside my husband and sleep. My dreams are strange to me as I'm in another place, another time altogether that makes me pang for the ones I hold dear.
I'm an angel... My wings are mutilated my feelings are that I've done this myself, they keep growing back and I keep breaking them. I wasn't always an angel I was once a demon, this dream is familar to me somehow. I don't know why or how but I've been dreaming this a lot, and it just progresses along each time the dream comes to me. The first time this happened I saw Drake, then Savannah and Magpie, though everytime he shows up I get this coil of hatred, betrayal and anger towards him. Ah... The angel thing is his doing, how cruel to trap such a proud being in a body like that. Skyler won't talk to me anymore because I stink, I kill humans to
I see everything that happens, how it happens, why it happened. All I can do is watch as this isn't really me, this isn't even real its not really happened. Fuck I miss them. Days of being sick because of the change, days of wanting revenge for the hurtful condition. Time moves on I can see me standing with Savannah, I still want to grope her but we talked instead of old days. Seems anyone I meet I'm always talking about the old days...
More old faces they're now Kytara and Fraz, the pangs again even as we talked. Old days always the old days, they were wanting to rejoin the House and I still refuse. I wonder why I'm so adament on this refusal, I miss my family I miss my friends though I tortured my friends. Hehehe. Sigh...
Now I see Skyler, Asher, Dracon, Jules, Monk. People I spent time with as a family, Skyler wants back in and Asher is already there. After watching my brothers fight like toddlers I go to see Dracon, my bodyguard, my fighter, one of my own confidants. Where are the others? I didn't find Savannah or Jaco again, I saw Felice briefly before I attacked and ate some neko fingers. I don't like this dream anymore it causes me pain, I really should stop opening that door but...
I woke up and fell off the bed my face was wet with tears, I'm dead I shouldn't be able to cry anymore. I'm not just a demon anymore I'm a Risen, not the first hybrid but the first demon one. Demon zombie there's a first, I know I've been dreaming about something that's why I was crying. I sat on the floor for some time as Xan sleeps above me on the bed, eventually I drag myself up to look at him and smile. I gave up a lot to start here and gained a lot too, the laws of the Archaics are the same ones that I used to follow back in days past. Family before all others. I know I failed that law back then, don't ask me how I only just figured that out.
My heart aches though, I need to stop that. Its too human too emotional, and I don't have time to waste on that shit.
Lulz of the day:
[15:50] Fisher: they do live shoes here
[15:50] Fisher: (*shows