I am...

How long has it been since my last journal entry?

I don't even recall the last time but I know it was some time ago, it was after Alastor had been given back to us in a sorry state and then he stepped down. The three Abaddons were leading afterwards I was one of them, in the past this happened before until a new General was chosen.

Yes I haven't written in this thing because I became the new General, I've been far too busy with leading the war Shiloh started or going to meetings. I've tried to keep a hands on approach with the faction, that every member new and old I speak with personally. I hang out with the family when I can, I don't want to lose that connection I have them and just become another leader who is rarely seen. I want to know my people all those individuals who can work together, each of them is a cog that moves and I am the oil.

There is one thing that saddens me not just because I failed the last General in some way, but because I know others will be pissed at me for that failure. You see I had captured Priel and when you're newly put in a position with a bajillion things to think of, you end up making a cock up that costs you something most dear. No sooner had I become a leader that several things happened at once, for instance Oriax had become violent, cold, unpredictable and this understandably caused unrest and unease among the Nephs who knew him. Nesta  had also gone rampaging through Charm, Ashe was constantly getting in to trouble in form or another. So when I found Priel I thought nothing of it of sending him to the hospital for healing, before I then had him taken to the Mirror room which is now my dungeon.

If my mind had been focusing instead of worrying over things I would have known Shiloh would disapprove, he begged me to the free man with no further mental trauma than what he had already. I did at the time tell Shiloh that couldn't be guaranteed but I would free him, I told him that the Mirror Room helps convert people to our side. Yes he was upset about me taking people's free will away, honestly its their choice to see the truth or not. Time passed not much time but enough that when I went to see Shiloh to get the mind of Nesta fixed, he struck me while spitting insults for he was upset about the fact Priel loved the Morning Star. I lost him that day... The one thing I had to maintain was his compliance and keep him convinced we were better than the Exalted, if we could keep him then Gin would surely follow for the two were inseperable right now. I had failed all because of Priel that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't hate right now, for he is my brother and perhaps there are other crafters like us made out of what we crafted the best we are connected to. Priel was always the favourite, for I rarely saw him at all.

Lets see if I was to sum up the events there's a lot that has happened, my people have been attacked for just entering the Scarlot Harlot, Oriax has been fixed twice, I have lost two members of my family to the other side but in return I have gained six new ones. The war is heating up occasionally it stagnates in to a stale mate, but since I want to keep the Exalted on the defensive I will have them keep being attacked. I had hoped actually that Gin would have come around and stayed with us, not only because he's useful but because he grows on you... None of us can hurt Pink Frosting anyway I made a deal that none of us would...

On top of all this afterward Seralath is becoming a real thorn in my side, first he takes my sword away then forces me to answer all his stupid questions.

I know for a fact I'm not alone in my leadership I got some great second in commands, I have a brilliant council. And under them I  have the best family anyone can wish for, there is just one underlaying problem. I'm worried I'm not a good leader despite being taught by Alastor, I'm worried about not being able to meet their expectations, and I'm constantly afraid of driving them away. Maybe I'm not doing enough and perhaps I am failing my family, I just wish I knew I was doing the right thing.

Lulz of the day:
[19:16] Bronson: interviewer: as general of the Nephilim, what do you do in your spare time?... Blue: well i am always busy.. so i dont have any spare time... "Bronson:she dances on rooftops *interviewer looks at Blue.. Blue looks at Bronson.. Bronson get handed to Exalted as a sacrificial peace treaty*